Those of you ahead of me in the motherhood journey will no doubt assure me that sleeping discomfort at almost 17 weeks is nothing compared to the discomfort I will encounter at 37, or even 27 weeks. Fine, whatever, I believe you. But–and I’m NOT complaining, just making an observation–the hours between 11 p.m. and 8 a.m. are not my best time of day. Oh, who am I kidding? More like the hours between 11 and 4, because there’s not much sleep taking place once that magic hour arrives. Why, you ask? Beats me. It’s not like I’m battling a giant belly, just a small bump, and the multiple trips to the bathroom were commonplace before. I just can’t get comfortable, and when I do sleep, I wake up suddenly between 4 and 5. I never slept on my back before, but now I can imagine no more comfortable position than that, and we all know that’s a no-no. I always slept on my side before, but mainly my right side, and I read recently that even that is a health risk for the baby. My doctor told me I could sleep on my stomach if I used lots of pillows, but that’s never been comfortable to me, and it has to be said that my ever-growing bazooms make it even less comfy now. More on that later. That leaves the left side. In yoga practice we are told that lying on the left side puts unnecessary pressure on the heart. In pregnancy we are told that lying on the back and right side does the same. If I lie on my stomach I have dreams of squashing my unborn child. Seriously, what’s left? Headstand?

And speaking of dreams, while pregnancy makes a large number of your brain cells inoperable during waking hours*, it certainly fills your head with interesting things during those few precious hours of fretful sleep. For example, I had a dream about the baby a few weeks ago. I think it was a boy, but I never got to find out, because it very quickly turned into a kitten. And last night my dreams were filled with cereal. Breakfast cereal. In my closet. Specifically, Cap’n Crunch Red Berries, Lucky Charms, Cocoa Krispies and Rice Krispies. I found them all there, stuffed down into one huge box, and began eating them dry by the handful. Perhaps I was hungry during the night? Note to self: eat a snack before bed.

I know I promised you tales of carpet installation and the crazy adventure my mom and I had at the beach, but in just a little while I’m heading back to the beach for what will certainly be another crazy adventure, this time with my mom AND my sisters. In the meantime, I’m taking a notebook so I won’t forget all the things I want to write about when I return. Here’s a preview:

• boobs
• my teenager theory
• my mom’s man theory
• my job situation

Wishing you all beach thoughts and endless pitchers of margaritas (hey, somebody should enjoy the wonder that is tequila!).

*Gayle asked me last week after a particularly inane statement had escaped my lips, “Is the baby pressing on your brain?”